my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
