why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
