she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
