So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
