I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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