I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
what the fuck happened to the tacos
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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