so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
