too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
