it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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