At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
