Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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