some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
