I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize