If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
