i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
