Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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