when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My liver just broke up with me...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
