when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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