the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
