The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
