mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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