p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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