so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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