i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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