I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
