Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
