I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
