At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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