Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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