If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
