Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
