If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
