so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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