I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
