I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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