it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize