I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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