thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
