I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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