Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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