Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
