Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
