bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
