the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
