His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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