i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
