got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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