So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
