people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Terrible idea I love it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
