I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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