Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
