tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
