just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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