You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
