We won't sleep together?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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