I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
