I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
