Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
