Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize