God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
