Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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