so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
