OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
