I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
