Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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