well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
