I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
