Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
