Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
