I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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