doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
