SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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