He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize