I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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