someone owes me an orgasm
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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