Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
