Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
