Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
