bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
