It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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