In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
