best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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