Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize