I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
