your parents love me but you hate me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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