I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
