Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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