I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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