420 ftw
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
